I think I just got cheated out of a pap smear. I am equal parts indignant and elated.
My hyper-caffeinated doctor, who missed out on a great career as an auctioneer for prize heifers, explained the following to me in about four and a half seconds:
"Pap smears test for varieties of HPV, and there are many varieties but only four or five really cause cervical cancer. You've been having yearly pap smears for what, nine years? And none of them have ever come back abnormal? OK, well HPV grows really really slow, so even if you picked it up the day after your last pap smear, it wouldn't show up today. And since you're in a nice stable married relationship the chances of you picking up HPV any time soon are pretty low, unless of course you find out your husband's cheating on you or you get divorced, in which case your lifestyle would change and then you'd need to make another appointment. Otherwise, come back next year."
Prescription for more birth control and out the door I go. Huh?
Why do I feel vaguely unsettled? Did she just really not want to look at my lady bits? Or did my infuritatingly conservative hairdo tricked her into thinking I am the picture of virtue and therefore immune to disease of any kind? Maybe she really had to poop and needed some quiet alone time.
Once again I am reminded that military dependent healthcare is free, and you get what you pay for.
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