I'd like to e-mail the world a forward

and teach it to sing, and buy it a coke, and slap its bitch mouth for asking questions.

Inspired by Heather at Dooce, a blog I read obsessively:

Four jobs I've had

1. Sandwich artist at Subway, where I learned all about cock fighting and coke dealing from my manager. Tips: hold the rooster in your hands and make it run back and forth over thick carpet to strengthen its legs. Then starve it to make it mean.
2. Counter jockey at a hip Austin bookstore. Possibly the most interesting and worst paid job ever. Met my first cokehead vegan, an ideological paradox so intense that he actually shuddered all the time.
3. Underemployed secretary. A long, soul-searing gaze into the blackest pits of despair.
4. Backdrop/ scenery artist for my mother's high school drama department. Unpaid. Perfect.

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. Amelie
2. Scarface
3. Spirited Away
4. Grizzly Man

Four places I have lived

1. tiny flat on Jamaica Street in Aberdeen, Scotland with my parents. I was 2 and I liked bees.
2. a drafty old 1900's house in South Austin where I spent most of childhood and where all my dreams of home take me
3. a plastic modular house, #150 on the corner of 1st and Gazelle on the Aramco compound in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Two blocks from school, one block from Larry's house, within screaming distance of the local mosque, and in the flight path of British fighter jets.
4. my last apartment in Austin: gloriously roommate- and drama-free, perched high in the trees, and every last square inch My Personal Naked Space.

Four TV shows I love

1. America's Next Top Model
2. The Office (BBC version)
3. Miami Ink
4. Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Four places I've vacationed

1. the Scottish Highlands
2. San Francisco, CA
3. Fort Collins, CO
4. Ouachita National Forest, Okla-fuckin'-homa

Four of my favorite dishes

1. sag paneer
2. my husband's hamburgers
3. my brother's asparagus risotto
4. sushi

Four sites I visit daily

1. Dooce
2. Finslippy
3. New York Times
4. Homestarrunner

Four places I would rather be right now

1. wandering through downtown San Francisco
2. Pedernales Falls with both my dogs
3. drinking beers and watching Aqua Teen with my husband
4. a magical land where unicorns drink from crystal streams and I can handle the stress of the military life.

Four people I am passing these questions on to

1. Stephanie
2. Ryan
3. Uncle Leopard
4. Lily